NewsLink Briefs

It’s time to take a look at the world before it cracks open and some of it disappears. Because that’s what is happening in Nevada. We have written about this before and suggested that land speculators were invading this state and looking for beach front property bargains.

Because there surely are going to be some as scientists say a 4.7 earthquake hit the Reno area Friday night and a 6.0 earthquake would “not be a scientific surprise”.

This is the first time your aged reporter has heard about “scientific surprise”. He always thought science was based on predictability. If it’s a surprise don’t blame science.

But predicting earthquakes is not a science I guess so maybe they should just leave science out of it and say “Surprise!”

And “Put on a helmet” and “Grab your ankles and kiss yourself goodbye” (I left out part of the directions because not everyone is capable of following all the steps.

What else is going on for the survivors among us? We must carry on even as we wave good-bye to Arnold and his subjects as they float out to sea.

Presidential Candidate Barack Obama doesn’t want to debate Hillary before the May 6 primaries in Indiana and North Carolina.

Why? Possibly because he wanted to drink a cyanide cocktail after debating her the last time. And for those of you who may scoff at this let me ask a question. Have YOU ever debated Hillary? It’s not exactly like taking a walk in the park with your old girlfriend who still loves you.

Probably you never did that either.

Let’s just give Osama I mean Obama a break here. He does not want to go into the Heart of Darkness again. You only get so many chances to go in there and come out alive.

He needs his freaking mind to debate McCain. He can’t lose it now! She will take all his marbles and mail them back to him after the election.

You can’t look at that woman’s eyes on television without feeling dizzy. Imagine what it’s like in person when she’s ten feet away standing on a podium and the lights are heating things up.

Her head can do a 360 just like the kid in the Exorcist.

She wants to wait and use that on McCain. But if she has to do it now she will.

http://www.cspan.org/

BTW here is the video of last night’s White House Correspondents Dinner in case you don’t already know enough about the derangement syndromes of our various politicians and media guys and girls.

And finally President Assad of Syria said yesterday that the structure the Israelis bombed last September was not part of a nuclear weapons program.

It was a Welcome Center for Israelis who want to emigrate to Syria.

Sad. You hate to see something as nice as that destroyed. It can be awfully hot traveling in the desert.

But there is an additional report coming out of Syria right now! Let’s see if we can pick it up. Apparently….

Mr. Assad’s pants..

Have caught on fire. Yes. That’s what it says. His pants have caught on fire.

What could this mean? I don’t know. But we will try to find out. Tune in next time.

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It’s time for some National Briefs. It pays to be current with what’s going on in the world. Someone might ask you a question about something that is happening. And you want to be ready.

More than three dozen Duke lacrosse players are suing Duke because they are unhappy. They say they suffered “emotional distress” during the furor over the now discredited rape case against three of their teammates. And they want money. And lots of it.

Try to imagine how difficult it was for them during that time. Their season was canceled so they didn’t get to throw that little ball around with a basket on the end of a stick. And I am willing to bet that none of them got to have sex with too many of the Duke ladies during that awful time either. Think about it.

I say they should each get at least fifteen million dollars.

Senators Kerry, Biden and Hagel were caught in an Afghan storm. And this is not the kind of afghan you curl up with next to a fire on a cold winter’s night either. No. This was the real deal. They were caught in a snowstorm. And I bet they wish they had their afghan blankets too as well as their woolly underwear. Because it is cold as a witch up there in the mountains in the middle of winter.

And that’s where their helicopter landed. Because the pilot couldn’t see. Because of the snow.

Unfortunately Teddy wasn’t with them. So they didn’t have any antifreeze to keep warm either. Or maybe it was a good thing that he wasn’t with them. Because he would probably have wanted to give everyone directions about how to get out of there.

And then they would all have fallen off the mountain. As things turned out they just waited out the storm and took off again. All three of them are planning to use this incident as a reason they should be elected President next time the primaries roll around.

UCLA went to court recently to try and keep animal- rights activists away from their employees. And please don’t confuse UCLA with the ACLU. These activists reportedly were leaving Molotov cocktails near the homes of faculty members who were involved in research involving animals.

What is going on here? First of all isn’t it clear that faculty members of UCLA are animals just like the rest of us? Don’t they deserve the same consideration as a monkey or a rat ? I hope so. Imagine that someone doesn’t want you to do something and they start leaving these things at the end of your driveway? What would you do? I can tell you what I would do. I would hire someone with a machine gun to sit on my porch. In fact I would hire three guys with three machine guns to sit there for eight hours apiece.

And then I would have an extra guy for holidays and weekends.

And finally there was a 6.0 earthquake in northeastern Nevada the other day. It was a “strong earthquake”. In fact it caused a building to collapse. Fortunately it struck in a sparsely populated area.

After it was over several real estate agents were seen going into a local town in the area. Our intrepid investigative reporter discovered they were buying up land in the area around the earthquake zone.

Beach front property is not cheap. Brad and Angelina are going to want some after the Big One hits. Maybe it’s time to put on your hiking shoes and head west. This may be the ground floor opportunity for which we all have been waiting.

And that’s it for today’s news. Don’t forget to catch a News Brief RSS on the fly and return for more. I realize we have wandered already into the area of investment strategy but it can’t be helped. These things tend to overlap from time to time. And you are the beneficiary!

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