NewsLink Briefs

Benito here. Randy is off again. So I guess I should write something. AAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It hurts my hands to write.

Here is something I find this week in the paper.

“A sense of grievance spilling into rage has gripped some GOP events this week as McCain supporters see his presidential campaign lag against Obama. Some in the audience are making it personal, against the Democrat. Shouts of “traitor,” “terrorist,” “treason,” “liar,” and even “off with his head” have rung from the crowd at McCain and Sarah Palin rallies, and gone unchallenged by them.”

And I just want to say you have a lovely country here but I’m getting a little afraid to go out in public.  Yesterday I heard someone say they would go to Mexico and take some of my friends North while they were having siestas.  Then leave them in Nebraska so when they wake up they run into Canada.

They all laughed but it is not so funny.  Everybody is very mad.   Friskeena sometimes starts yelling about Benny and throwing stuff around the house.

People are being afraid of many things and now they are mad too.   But this McCain guy starts talking all this trash about Senator Obama and then when everyone starts yelling about it he says he’s going to be alright as President.

It’s very confusing.  Old people should not run for President.  They are confused.  It’s like they wake up In Nebraska and drive to California.   Then they think they find the boat to Martha’s Vineyard.

Oh Oh.  Someone is outside the door.  Maybe it’s Friskeena.  Or it could be John McCain and some guys who want to go to Montana.  I better hide.

Randy will be back tomorrow.  I think he’s out on the Interstate looking for Lorelle.  He better be careful or someone will try to take him to Florida.

How bad off can this country be at the moment?   They still have plenty of money for gas.  And the price is coming down faster than Friskeena can fly to the Helmut City Revue on a Friday nite.

Got to go.

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US lawmakers finished crafting a farm bill this week. And you might want to finish chewing on your breakfast before I tell you how much it is going to cost. Because we don’t want you choking on your Cheerios.

300 Billion dollars.

Martha! Get the paddles! He’s fallen over again and he can’t get up! (more…)

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It’s time to take a look at the world before it cracks open and some of it disappears. Because that’s what is happening in Nevada. We have written about this before and suggested that land speculators were invading this state and looking for beach front property bargains.

Because there surely are going to be some as scientists say a 4.7 earthquake hit the Reno area Friday night and a 6.0 earthquake would “not be a scientific surprise”.

This is the first time your aged reporter has heard about “scientific surprise”. He always thought science was based on predictability. If it’s a surprise don’t blame science.

But predicting earthquakes is not a science I guess so maybe they should just leave science out of it and say “Surprise!”

And “Put on a helmet” and “Grab your ankles and kiss yourself goodbye” (I left out part of the directions because not everyone is capable of following all the steps.

What else is going on for the survivors among us? We must carry on even as we wave good-bye to Arnold and his subjects as they float out to sea.

Presidential Candidate Barack Obama doesn’t want to debate Hillary before the May 6 primaries in Indiana and North Carolina.

Why? Possibly because he wanted to drink a cyanide cocktail after debating her the last time. And for those of you who may scoff at this let me ask a question. Have YOU ever debated Hillary? It’s not exactly like taking a walk in the park with your old girlfriend who still loves you.

Probably you never did that either.

Let’s just give Osama I mean Obama a break here. He does not want to go into the Heart of Darkness again. You only get so many chances to go in there and come out alive.

He needs his freaking mind to debate McCain. He can’t lose it now! She will take all his marbles and mail them back to him after the election.

You can’t look at that woman’s eyes on television without feeling dizzy. Imagine what it’s like in person when she’s ten feet away standing on a podium and the lights are heating things up.

Her head can do a 360 just like the kid in the Exorcist.

She wants to wait and use that on McCain. But if she has to do it now she will.

http://www.cspan.org/

BTW here is the video of last night’s White House Correspondents Dinner in case you don’t already know enough about the derangement syndromes of our various politicians and media guys and girls.

And finally President Assad of Syria said yesterday that the structure the Israelis bombed last September was not part of a nuclear weapons program.

It was a Welcome Center for Israelis who want to emigrate to Syria.

Sad. You hate to see something as nice as that destroyed. It can be awfully hot traveling in the desert.

But there is an additional report coming out of Syria right now! Let’s see if we can pick it up. Apparently….

Mr. Assad’s pants..

Have caught on fire. Yes. That’s what it says. His pants have caught on fire.

What could this mean? I don’t know. But we will try to find out. Tune in next time.

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