NewsLink Briefs

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Manson Family In The News again! from Wire Reports dated 3/29/08

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Yard of Charles Manson’s Home Not Dug Up

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Yet. But if they find any evidence of bodies they are going to get busy with the shovels. Barker Ranch once provided shelter for the Helter Skelter gang including our old favorite Charlie “I’m Freaking Amazing” Manson. “And where is Barker Ranch located?” you might ask. Well, guess what?! It is located in Death Valley.

So there you have it. Putting two and two together Sheriff Bill Lutze decided it was time to start using sound waves to detect any crime that may have happened long ago. Why worry about it? Charlie is in jail and he freaked people out so badly they gave him five thousand years. With time off for good behavior that means he shouldn’t be out before he reaches age 72.

When asked if there were any bodies buried at the ranch Charlie said “Frankly I don’t remember. I was so busy back then it has all become a blur to me. All I wish is that I had another chance to live my life over again. Because it was so much fun the first time. When’s my next parole hearing? “

Former governor of Alabama Don Siegelman was released from federal prison yesterday after spending nine months in the slammer. Asked how he felt he said,” I may have lost my freedom for awhile but I never lost my faith.”

“Besides I watched what Martha Stewart did in West Virginia. If she can do it so can I. And I learned to crochet like a pro.” A judge ordered Siegelman released while he pursues his appeals.

And in separate news five million other inmates in US prisons petitioned the court to be released while they pursue their appeals. We may be saving a lot of money on prison food by the end of next week.

Two brothers have filed suit against the City of San Fransisco after they were attacked by a tiger who exited the San Fransisco Zoo and was taking a walk while he looked for something to eat.

Their attorney submitted papers on behalf of the two brothers this past week seeking compensation for “serious injury and emotional injury”.

The zoo’s attorney spoke up on behalf of his client suggesting that the tiger had no knowledge that he was breaking any laws. He simply was hungry and when the two brothers started to run he naturally chased them. “The two brothers looked like they were having fun. They were jumping up and down and screaming. One of them tried to climb a tree which is illegal in San Fransisco.”

“Our client gave them notice that he intended to eat them when he growled but they continued to play. “

Well they are still here so perhaps the tiger just snacked on them for awhile or they got away! The article doesn’t say!

And that’s all for today NewsLink Brief fans. I have a terrible cold today and can barely walk, talk or think of my name. So be happy you got something out of me even though it wasn’t very funny. Did you ever try to write something humorous when you felt like crap? I thought I would try it just to see what happens.

And now I know. Oh well. It’s time to lay down and rest some more.

Popularity: 46% [?]

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I really don’t know too much about what is happening in the world these days. So much of it is just awful and there isn’t much space left in my brain drive for this type of thing. But it’s important to know what is happening.

So I was surprised to learn this morning as I read the National Briefs in the newspaper that there are astronauts walking around in space. When did they get up there? They spent over seven hours attaching a box to the outside of the space station. It has a flag on it and the only thing you can put in there is stamped mail.

But it also measures space radiation and micrometeorite strikes because NASA is trying to consolidate and save money. No word on whether it will report sitings of asteroids, meteorite babies or Brad and Angelina.

The US Government now says in response to a lawsuit that you can become a US diplomat even if you are HIV-positive. For how many years have they been telling us that you can’t catch this awful disease from ordinary contact with other people? What is it that US diplomats are required to do anyway? Oh wait. Nevermind.

Or maybe it has something to do with meeting diplomats from other countries. Maybe THEY are the ones who are complaining. I don’t know. Sometimes when you read the news you end up with more questions than when you began.

Most of the time in fact.

The Coast Guard has called off the search for a Japanese hot air balloonist who was trying to fly from Japan to Oregon. That’s too bad. He has been missing since January 31st. But he was carrying a lot of survival gear with him. And he has some video tapes of Martha Stewart making little hot air balloons that you can hang in your kitchen if he gets bored.

And finally there was an explosion that sent flames shooting four hundred feet in the air near the US and Mexican border. No one was hurt except for the guy who was holding a lighter and his friend who apparently had just eaten one too many tacos. Oh wait. There was an oil pipeline nearby. Man I hope that thing didn’t catch on fire.

Let’s make a rule that you can’t smoke and go near an oil pipeline for at least an hour after lunch.

Popularity: 30% [?]

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