Weekly Editorial / John McCain Should Do Relaxation Exercises
Table of contents for Commentary
- Reform The Nation’s Highest Office
- Weekly Editorial / Arnold For President
- Weekly Editorial / John McCain Should Do Relaxation Exercises
- Eliot Spitzer Tries To Join Clinton Administration / Justin Timberlake Kisses Madonna’s Butt
- Gas Prices Are High Because We Want Them That Way
Presidential hopeful John McCain noticed on Friday that Mr. Obama’s advisor (no longer in this capacity) was getting far too much press for being a nasty person . And so he decided to try and catch up. On an airplane with a New York Times reporter he forgot that he still has to actually win the election before he can start cutting off reporters while they are trying to get under his skin.
Maybe a medical analogy would help him understand the situation. Reporters
are like surgeons who are doing exploratory surgery. They are trying to “open the candidates up” so they can see “what makes them tick” although many reporters feel they already have the answer to that question in this case.
They quite openly admit that they sense a time bomb ticking away just under a very thin layer of epidermis covering the candidate’s chrome dome. The only question they have is what kind of explosive is rigged up to the timer. Is it dynamite? Or is it a small nuclear device?
Only time will tell. But almost everyone believes it won’t take long to find out. Bets have already been placed and they cover two months from now as well as next week or possibly tomorrow.
Hide the children and small pets. The candidate is in the neighborhood.
The reporter in question, Ms. Elisabeth Bumiller, asked Mr. McCain about a conversation he reportedly had with Senator Kerry prior to the last presidential election. It is said that Kerry asked McCain to be his running mate. And Ms. Bumiller wanted to know more about the conversation.
McCain was asked if he recalled the conversation and he said, ” I don’t know what you read or heard of and I don’t know the circumstances. Maybe in May of 04 I hadn’t had a conversation. ”
Sounds fairly coherent but then he says “it’s well known that I had the conversation. It’s absolutely well known by everybody. So do you have a question on another issue?” Asked again about the conversation he said “the issue is closed as far as I’m concerned. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it in America.” (Translation: “Shut up Bumiller and sit down! You must not be an American if YOU don’t know it.)
Then he started chasing her around the plane. Well maybe that didn’t happen.
Reportedly the feisty candidate kept cutting off Ms. Bumiller. His temperature was rising. How high do you think it can go?
I bet somebody out there RIGHT NOW is already working on THE campaign ad featuring the little girl who is talking to herself while she is picking the petals off a daisy. It will be updated and repackaged of course. Maybe she will be chewing gum and have some jewelry stuck through her nose.
But in the background you will hear reporters asking John McCain questions that annoy him. And you will hear his standard replies “Do you have another question?” and then this “Hey Lady! Shut your pie hole and go sit in the back of the plane. In fact here’s a parachute. Leave. Hopefully you can find the rip cord before your ugly butt bounces off the ground!”
“In fact don’t bother! Let’s settle this right here and now!”
Then there will be a flash of light and a huge mushroom cloud.
Mr. Obama understands all of this very well. He comes across as being very calm and patient. Somehow Mr. McCain managed to pass him this week in the Nasty Person Sweepstakes!
Congratulations Senator! That was not an easy thing to do!
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