NewsLink Briefs

It’s time for some News Briefs boys and girls but before we start I would just like to thank everyone. Yesterday as you have probably heard three tornadoes ripped through Virginia. No one was killed. But there were injuries and a lot of cars will never see the road again except from the back of a tow truck.

In any case “Thanks” for all the emails that I have come in asking if your blogging guy was doing alright. I haven’t read any of them yet but I can see them lined up in my Gmail account under BlogCatalog, Google Alerts and Sploofus.

Oh wait! Where did they go? I’m sure I saw them this morning when I got up. I was sitting right here trying to pry my left eye open. It gets stuck sometimes.

Maybe I dreamed about it. I had a dream that Seth Godin emailed me and said he liked my blogs so much he wanted to link to every post I ever did. What a nightmare!

Actually I didn’t even know we had survived Tornadoes in this area last night until I went out this morning and heard the news on my car radio. That Brian guy on Fox and Friends was talking about it.

When they give away an Emmy for the most irritating person on television I hope he gets it. Because he deserves it. He really thinks he’s funny and he’s not. Of course maybe we have the same problem and that’s why I can’t listen to him for long. We are just like a couple of magnets with the same poles pushed together.

What a mess. Hopefully those who are in critical condition will recover. The only good news is that the drought we were having is now over. It has been raining a lot.

In other news Brazil has called off its search for a priest who vanished while floating over the Atlantic with a cluster of party balloons. The Reverend Antonio de Carli has been missing since April 20th when he lifted off from a southern port city Paranagua strapped to 1,000 helium filled balloons.

I find these circumstances most unfortunate. Clearly this was a priest with a sense of fun.

I can see him flying through the clouds when suddenly a flock of birds spotted all the brightly colored balloons and decided there might be something good to eat inside their bright exteriors.

“Pop” went the first balloon and Father de Carli suddenly realized his journey was going to take him a lot farther than he had anticipated. He was going to go all the way to the Pearly Gates.

And he was going to get there in record time.

Congratulations Father! Here are your wings. Now you can really fly.

And that’s all we have for now News Brief readers. Today’s report has been about things that sometimes fly through the air.

Trees

Cars

Cows

Roofs

Father de Carli.

Hopefully everyone will stay on the ground for awhile.

Popularity: 20% [?]

No Comments »

*

*

*

The White House is floating a new climate proposal these days. And No I am not trying to be funny. There was a cool film made a few years ago that showed some results of global warming. Much of the East Coast was under water and stuff was floating away.

Can the White House float in such an environment? I don’t know. But I’m sure there are a lot of politicians who can float really well. They will float out to sea.

Or maybe the sea will even come to them. Then they can float to Albany, New York or Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Whatever floats their boats! Teddy might want to consider taking a plane however.

He has not floated well in the past.

In any case the White House proposed some things and some Republicans got mad and accused it of “appeasement”. And then the White House broke and ran.

Continue Reading »

Previous in series

Popularity: 22% [?]

1 Comment »

*

Manson Family In The News again! from Wire Reports dated 3/29/08

*

Yard of Charles Manson’s Home Not Dug Up

***

Yet. But if they find any evidence of bodies they are going to get busy with the shovels. Barker Ranch once provided shelter for the Helter Skelter gang including our old favorite Charlie “I’m Freaking Amazing” Manson. “And where is Barker Ranch located?” you might ask. Well, guess what?! It is located in Death Valley.

So there you have it. Putting two and two together Sheriff Bill Lutze decided it was time to start using sound waves to detect any crime that may have happened long ago. Why worry about it? Charlie is in jail and he freaked people out so badly they gave him five thousand years. With time off for good behavior that means he shouldn’t be out before he reaches age 72.

When asked if there were any bodies buried at the ranch Charlie said “Frankly I don’t remember. I was so busy back then it has all become a blur to me. All I wish is that I had another chance to live my life over again. Because it was so much fun the first time. When’s my next parole hearing? “

Former governor of Alabama Don Siegelman was released from federal prison yesterday after spending nine months in the slammer. Asked how he felt he said,” I may have lost my freedom for awhile but I never lost my faith.”

“Besides I watched what Martha Stewart did in West Virginia. If she can do it so can I. And I learned to crochet like a pro.” A judge ordered Siegelman released while he pursues his appeals.

And in separate news five million other inmates in US prisons petitioned the court to be released while they pursue their appeals. We may be saving a lot of money on prison food by the end of next week.

Two brothers have filed suit against the City of San Fransisco after they were attacked by a tiger who exited the San Fransisco Zoo and was taking a walk while he looked for something to eat.

Their attorney submitted papers on behalf of the two brothers this past week seeking compensation for “serious injury and emotional injury”.

The zoo’s attorney spoke up on behalf of his client suggesting that the tiger had no knowledge that he was breaking any laws. He simply was hungry and when the two brothers started to run he naturally chased them. “The two brothers looked like they were having fun. They were jumping up and down and screaming. One of them tried to climb a tree which is illegal in San Fransisco.”

“Our client gave them notice that he intended to eat them when he growled but they continued to play. “

Well they are still here so perhaps the tiger just snacked on them for awhile or they got away! The article doesn’t say!

And that’s all for today NewsLink Brief fans. I have a terrible cold today and can barely walk, talk or think of my name. So be happy you got something out of me even though it wasn’t very funny. Did you ever try to write something humorous when you felt like crap? I thought I would try it just to see what happens.

And now I know. Oh well. It’s time to lay down and rest some more.

Popularity: 37% [?]

No Comments »

*

Pro Golfer Tripp Isenhour shot and killed a hawk with a golf ball yesterday in an incident that can only be described as a criminal act. Michael Vick move over. Your new cell mate is on the way.

Tripp was making a golf instruction video when the hawk started complaining that he was not being clear and could he repeat a few things. The golfer then got in his golf cart and moved a couple of hundred yards closer to the bird. The bird responded by moving about 25 yards closer to Tripp. So now they are 75 yards apart and suddenly golf shots start heading in the direction of the hawk.

The hawk soon realized that this was some kind of old western high noon drama but he didn’t have a gun. So he just stood his ground and waited to see what was going to happen next. Probably he knew that this moron was no Tiger Woods and felt he was pretty safe. How many golf balls is anybody going to hit out in the middle of the fairway anyway? Those things aren’t cheap.

And Isenhour probably agreed with him (except for the moron part). He knew the bird was pretty safe. But let’s think about this a moment. Let’s say this golfing genius has a four year old daughter and she is sitting in the grass 75 yards away. Is he going to take out his driver and start drilling balls in her direction? No. Why?

Because he might hit her! And people are upset. What does he have to say for himself?

“That’s obviously people who don’t know very much about golf,” he said. “To say it’s a one-in-a-million shot for an accident like that to happen, you know, and when it did happen, I was very remorseful, very upset that it happened.”

The sound man who was recording the golf lesson had this to say to the PGA professional.

” What did you expect was going to happen? You’re a pro golfer, you’re hitting line drives right at it.”

Well I guess I am one of those guys who doesn’t know very much about golf. But I wouldn’t dream of hitting a golf ball at a bird. Any bird. Why?

Because golf balls hurt! I know enough about golf to realize they travel at high speed and can put a dent in you. This actually happened to me one time as a drive somehow managed to come through the trees and hit me as I was standing behind a golf cart. It was an amazing shot and the golf ball probably had my name on it.

And it hurt like a bewitch for quite awhile. But I was lucky. Because when our friend the hawk finally was whacked he fell down and started bleeding from both nostrils.

I can imagine what he was thinking. “I can’t believe this bozo hit me with one of his stupid golf balls.” And “Well. That’s it for me. I’m out of here. Next time I’m coming back as a dolphin.”

And next time Tripp Isenhour comes back he should be a caddy who has a night job picking up golf balls on a driving range in one of those old trucks. The ones with screen over the windows and ( hopefully) a bulls eye that someone has playfully painted on the side of the truck.

More News Briefs

http://newslinkbriefs.com/2008/02/22/weekend-summary/

*

*

***

Popularity: 25% [?]

3 Comments »