NewsLink Briefs

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President Bush said in his weekly radio address that Democratic leaders are blocking needed intelligence information in a bill that is stalled in the House. These leaders responded by saying that when it came to intelligence matters they doubted that he had anything worth responding to and furthermore even if he had sent them something it probably was lost in the mail.

The President responded by saying that he had sent them something and he put extra stamps on it so he was sure they must have received it.

Wherever the bill may be at the present moment sources say that it includes immunity for big telecommunication companies in case they are wiretapping somebody and they get caught. They say it’s just to protect them from terrorists who might want to sue them. But when asked about the definition of a terrorist they indicated that it was pretty much anybody who wanted to sue them.

Our intrepid reporter asked them if they were worried about a terrorist becoming so agitated by their wiretapping methods that he might blow up one of their buildings. And they reported that this didn’t bother them because they liked to work at home and had lots of electronic gear in their bedrooms. Our reporter sensed something was odd about this answer and asked them how they managed to get permission to work in their bedrooms while their coworkers were going to work every day in tall buildings that might get blown up.

And they responded that they didn’t have to ask anybody to do anything because they were in charge and if they wanted to work at home in their beds like Hugh Hefner it was their business. And furthermore if they wanted to screw themselves into a light socket it was their business too.

So it seems that this thing is not going to be settled anytime soon. But these guys are not the only ones worried about being sued. Health Net Inc. , one of California’s largetst health insurers was successfully sued by one of its former customers. Patsy Bates who is not related to the Bates family who owned that disreputable hotel sued these guys after they dropped her in 2004 after she discovered she had breast cancer.

The company indicated that they didn’t know she was sick when they dropped her. And when our intrepid reporter asked them why they dropped her they indicated that it was nothing personal and they picked her name out of a hat. Our intrepid reporter sensing that something was amiss then asked them why they picked names out of a hat.

And they responded that it was something they liked to do at the end of the work week as they prepared to go out and party on Friday night.

So once again we have managed to get to the bottom line in record time. Thanks to our intrepid reporter for. . .Oh wait. We have another News Brief that has just come into our offices.

A winning bid of 3 million dollars for a huge record collection on eBay was apparently a fraud. Pat Mawhinney, 68, has collected nearly 3 million vinyl albums and he would like to sell them because he is having trouble located his wife or his dog Sparky. Recently a pile of records fell on his wife and it took several days to locate her. But even on a good day she is hard to find.

The buyer who is obviously out of his mind to want these things apparently heard a rumor that Sparky has been running all over many of the records and possibly damaging them. Also the refill of his medication came in the mail after he had entered the bidding process and this has changed his perspective considerably.

Mr. Mawhinney is not whining about this disappointing turn of events however. He indicates that he has six more bidders who noticed how much fun the other guy was having and decided they wanted to join in the festivities.

Our intrepid reporter noticed however that all six of these bidders have the same address and it is at a downtown location known for its top notch emergency room procedures.

Has anybody contacted Ted Turner? He has all those old movies collecting dust somewhere. Maybe they are lonely. Hopefully Mr. Macwhinney has been keeping all the dust covers clean. Mold can be such a problem when you have at least a million dust covers in your basement.

And that’s it for today News Brief fans. Don’t forget to grab your RSS feed by the sidebar and stay tuned for more hard hitting and snug fitting news.

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