NewsLink Briefs

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We are still disturbed by yesterday’s news that OUR meat will not be audited like the federal program meat. So we are going to go downtown and join the Richmond Food Bank program this afternoon. If you run a day care program you can join this program and get tons of food for about five dollars. The food is donated. And the meat is audited.

Sounds good to us. But the only problem is we don’t have a day care program. Yet. I have several grandchildren though and we are planning to develop an after school Net/Net program. All they have to do is send Grandpa an email and he will send them an automated email back asking about their day. It’s a day care center in cyberspace.

And then we can get our audited meat. And in case you work for the federal government and take issue with this plan let me also say that “This is just a joke”. Because in the news today we see that Virginia’s high court upheld the 9 year prsion term given to Jeremy D. Jaynes. Jeremy was given a sentence that is longer than your average murderer spends in jail because he is “the eighth worst spammer in the world” as noted by The Spamhaus Project’s Registry of etc. . He remains under house arrest while he runs out his appeals.

We are waiting for this one to go to the Supreme Court. At issue are Jeremy’s free speech rights according to Jeremy and his lawyers. Meanwhile Virginia has begun erecting a gallows in downtown Richmond next to the Wally Winkle Historical Theme Park World for Kids in anticipation of catching the number one, two or three worst spammer in the world. This time they hope to avoid all the expensive appeal process and have a Wally World Special Exhibition (one show only) for the kids before they go away for their summer vacations.

In other news 27 students (they are just kids) were charged in a brawl that erupted at a Miami school. Basically the children just wanted to have a protest after one of their own was arrested earlier in the day. “It was a peaceful protest until the cops showed up and started tear gassing everybody including the lunch room staff” stated one of the participants in the peaceful protest. “We tried to reason with them until they got out a rope and threw it over a beam in the middle of the room. Then we knew that we might have to try a different approach” another child said.

The police have a different story (of course). They say (snort, guffaw, bullshrimp!) that the students “Threw chairs and food including their audited meat at the officers”. Get Johnny Cochran! If the meat was bit you must acquit! Check for teeth marks on their burgers. Unless they can find perfect perfect matches with the precious molars of these unappreciated young scholars the WHOLE DEAL MUST BE THROWN OUT!

It’s going to Juvenile Court naturally. Because you can’t send teens to the same jail their parents attend. Fights would break out. Chairs would be thrown. Audited meat would end up stuck in somebody’s ear. And then they would have to pay an audiologist to come in and dig it out.

All of this would be very expensive. So the school authorities in Miami propose an alternative plan. For lunch tomorrow the children will be served wet noodles. And they will be allowed to whip each other with them for five minutes. And from now on they will have to sit on the floor while they eat.

When they learn to behave the chairs will come back. And they can have tomato sauce with their noodles.

Obviously the sides are far apart in this situation. Long hours of negotiation will be needed. Just don’t let the parents participate. Things will become even more complicated and they might have to call in The National Guard.

So that’s it for now. Don’t forget to pick up a RSS feed while you are here. Our RSS feeds are audited so you can be sure they are good.

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