Don’t Leave Home Without Your Briefs
Table of contents for News Briefs
It’s time for some National Briefs. It pays to be current with what’s going on in the world. Someone might ask you a question about something that is happening. And you want to be ready.
More than three dozen Duke lacrosse players are suing Duke because they are unhappy. They say they suffered “emotional distress” during the furor over the now discredited rape case against three of their teammates. And they want money. And lots of it.
Try to imagine how difficult it was for them during that time. Their season was canceled so they didn’t get to throw that little ball around with a basket on the end of a stick. And I am willing to bet that none of them got to have sex with too many of the Duke ladies during that awful time either. Think about it.
I say they should each get at least fifteen million dollars.
Senators Kerry, Biden and Hagel were caught in an Afghan storm. And this is not the kind of afghan you curl up with next to a fire on a cold winter’s night either. No. This was the real deal. They were caught in a snowstorm. And I bet they wish they had their afghan blankets too as well as their woolly underwear. Because it is cold as a witch up there in the mountains in the middle of winter.
And that’s where their helicopter landed. Because the pilot couldn’t see. Because of the snow.
Unfortunately Teddy wasn’t with them. So they didn’t have any antifreeze to keep warm either. Or maybe it was a good thing that he wasn’t with them. Because he would probably have wanted to give everyone directions about how to get out of there.
And then they would all have fallen off the mountain. As things turned out they just waited out the storm and took off again. All three of them are planning to use this incident as a reason they should be elected President next time the primaries roll around.
UCLA went to court recently to try and keep animal- rights activists away from their employees. And please don’t confuse UCLA with the ACLU. These activists reportedly were leaving Molotov cocktails near the homes of faculty members who were involved in research involving animals.
What is going on here? First of all isn’t it clear that faculty members of UCLA are animals just like the rest of us? Don’t they deserve the same consideration as a monkey or a rat ? I hope so. Imagine that someone doesn’t want you to do something and they start leaving these things at the end of your driveway? What would you do? I can tell you what I would do. I would hire someone with a machine gun to sit on my porch. In fact I would hire three guys with three machine guns to sit there for eight hours apiece.
And then I would have an extra guy for holidays and weekends.
And finally there was a 6.0 earthquake in northeastern Nevada the other day. It was a “strong earthquake”. In fact it caused a building to collapse. Fortunately it struck in a sparsely populated area.
After it was over several real estate agents were seen going into a local town in the area. Our intrepid investigative reporter discovered they were buying up land in the area around the earthquake zone.
Beach front property is not cheap. Brad and Angelina are going to want some after the Big One hits. Maybe it’s time to put on your hiking shoes and head west. This may be the ground floor opportunity for which we all have been waiting.
And that’s it for today’s news. Don’t forget to catch a News Brief RSS on the fly and return for more. I realize we have wandered already into the area of investment strategy but it can’t be helped. These things tend to overlap from time to time. And you are the beneficiary!
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